can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
