Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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