Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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