I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
