I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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