Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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