he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
