Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
