Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
