i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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