I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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