Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
