he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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