There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
