LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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