I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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