I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
