So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize