You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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