your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
