Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
