I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
