ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
