he was CRYING into my vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
