Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
