Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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