he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
