friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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