my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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