How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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