We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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