**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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