I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
