why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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