Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
