I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
