1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
