Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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