I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
