So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
