farters have to be the big spoon...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
