WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
