I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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