Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
