woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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