this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
