Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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