dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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