We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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