I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
