I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
