Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They are going to name an STD after you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
