My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
40s are totally the cure
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
