I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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