how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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