How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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