Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
3pm strippers are depressing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
