this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
