I will die if light touches me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
