Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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