OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
