Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had sex on a dog bed..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
