you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
