never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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