Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
40s are totally the cure
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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