Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
