Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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