Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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