just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ruined the universe
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
