she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
