his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
