I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
