The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
