I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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