Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
