yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pop tarts are not kleenex
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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