I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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