we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
