i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
